Emotional Reassurance in a Sad World: Cream Cheese Brownies
April 9, 2008
My thesis is well on its way to being done. I’ve submitted all my chapters and appendices (other than my works cited, which horrifies and amazes me by being 7 pages long) and I’ve done my rewrites for my first two chapters. You would think that I would feel happier, lighter, less oppressed. No. I feel emotional. I’ve been muttering internally all day about debt and how quickly I can pay it back, and about getting a job. That terrible emotional and creative void that occurs between finishing a degree and getting a job you like is about to occur and I’m anticipating it already. Anyway, when I didn’t want to cook dinner and got Japanese takeout, and then while eating my rice, tempura, and sushi started crying over Vivian Stringer’s life (the women’s basketball coach at Rutgers) as depicted today on “Oprah” I knew things were critical. I needed to bake, and it had to be chocolate.
Last night I made almond macaroons for a woman I work with who has a gluten allergy, so I could take them into work today. It’s Nigella Lawson’s recipe but adapted to what’s in my kitchen, which doesn’t include rosewater and ground cardamom. Needless to say these look nothing like hers as shown in the cookbook, and I am not sure they are all that good, but they are chewy which automatically means I like them (texture is verrrry important to me. It’s all about mouthfeel, baby).
The almond macaroon baking wasn’t enough, though, at least not enough to see me through today. There’s something about chocolate that is so comforting and calming. Well, it makes you feel better until you eat too much and then you start thinking about how you will never lose weight until you stop cooking with chocolate and butter and sugar. But the chocolate makes that reality somehow easier to bear.
I had some cream cheese to use in this weekend’s pie, but it turns out my mum made the pie recipe I planned to try a couple of weeks ago and advised me against it. So, having some spare cream cheese, I thought I would take a favorite brownie recipe and add some dollops of cream cheese (8 oz cream cheese beaten until smooth with one egg, a pinch of salt, and 1/2 cup granulated sugar) to try and make it super-exciting. The cream cheese stuff is good, and it looks good, but it’s mis-matched with the brownie recipe. This needs to be paired with a cake-y, drier brownie, rather than the fudge-like brownie seen here.
Regardless, it’s done the job. I had some brownies, looked at pictures my sister sent me tonight of my nieces taking their first horseback riding lesson this week down in Texas, and watched gardening shows on HGTV. The world seems a much better place. And “The Office” is back this week. I’m excited to see Andy and Dwight again.
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1.
Cathy B | April 11, 2008 at 10:35 am
Rhiannon. Those brownies look sinful! You must give me the recipe! I have been on a “lifestyle program” (through my Jazzercise class instructor) for the past five weeks (and I have three more weeks to go before I complete it) but I have lost 11 pounds in the process and so far have shrunk 4 inches total. Basically, I have cut out sugars, added salt, bread, pasta, evening snacks, Starbucks, Tim Hortons, bottled sauces, condiments, etc. The first week was the hardest (lots of headaches and grumpiness) but now I appreciate anything I put in my mouth. Also, I can taste real food again without the need for salt or sugar. We got to add brown rice to meals this week and it is the best thing since sliced bread!!!!
But getting back to those brownies, I would love the recipe, though. My new motto is “everything in moderation” but I am certainly not going to rush into my old habits again and hopefully they are all but gone. I am not missing chocolate as much any more but sometimes I will have a craving for something sweet and herbal teas just don’t cut it (even though that is what I am having to help with the sweet tooth). Talk to you soon. Keep up the great work with your blog. I love checking on you and seeing what pie you have conquered each week! Cath
2.
cook33 | April 14, 2008 at 10:45 am
I am very proud of you doing your diet and accomplishing so much! How great is that!! Yes, brown rice is awesome. I love it too, after so many years of hating it as a kid. I will get you the recipe, and thanks for the words of support re the blog. I’m glad I have you in the audience.
3.
Jen | April 18, 2008 at 8:13 am
Mmmmmmmm….I am sitting here at work gazing at those brownies. They look super-yum! I am sad about the raspberry pie for some reason. It sounded so promising, and I really want to love everything Cook’s Illustrated does, it’s so nice to have dependable recipes. Anyway, now that school is over and I can get back into the baking again I think I might just have to tackle brownies! You’ve given me a craving.
4.
Nadalein | September 9, 2009 at 9:56 am
Hi
The brownie looks great, may I have the recipe, Please!